My own worst enemy

This whole job searching process has made me realise that I'm my own worst worst enemy...



I've always been hard on myself, but lately I've been getting worse, and going to interviews and being unsuccessful really isnt helping. 

For some reason I can't seem to be myself when I walk into that interview room and every time I walk out of the interview I hate myself and I'm disappointed with myself for not being able to do what I know I'm capable of.

Maybe I'm trying too hard or I'm stressing myself out by over thinking everything either way I'm doing everything in the interview I know I shouldn't.

 



Lots of love 


MLP

  

Unsuccessful

Once again another rejection letter sitting in my inbox...

After an hour maths test, sitting in a room by myself plugging numbers into my calculator, I ended up getting another rejection letter. 

Tomorrow I've managed to be lucky enough to get throught to an assessment day with another retail store hopefully I will do better this time andmaybe break the chain of crappy news...

In the morning I plan to contact the HR guy and ask for some feedback as to what I did wrong...how far off was I from 100%...was it required for me to get 100% on the test to be considered for the role...all these things I want to know and hopefully they will help me improve and maybe even be successful next time round...



Lots of love 

MLP  

Failed

Today was my first interview and lets just say I feel like I let myself down...I couldn't complete the maths test in time. 

Tomorrow is another maths test/assessment thing and I'm freaking out. I really want this job and don't want to fail again... 

The calculations are really simple but I just can't seem to finish the questions in time. Hopefully tomorrow I manage my time better and do well this time round.

Lots of love

MLP

Job Searching

 Right now my internship is coming to an end and I started looking for jobs...I won't lie it didn't exactly start off the best it could have...

There was the usual rejection emails sent without them even reading my application. After a week of sending out emails and getting rejection email I forgot about it and stopped sending out email and just kept going to work. 

While I was sitting at my desk I got a phone call from one of the vacancies I applied for. Before I knew it I had two interviews lined up. Tomorrow is my first group assessment.  And thursday is my first maths test.

Hopefully it all goes well and I can make something out of this.



Lots of love 

MLP 

Lost in a bookshop

Today I found myself wandering around in a bookshop...somewhere I haven't been in what seems like forever.

There was something different about this time though.  Before I would only be at the front of the store browsing through the bestsellers....this time I ventured past the novels and into the foreign languages section, scanned the fashion books and even the travelbooks. 

It's little things like this that make me realise that I am growing up even though I don't notice it happening, and how much I miss spending hours just sitting in a library and finding the perfect book to bring home. Hopefully over the weekend I'll manage to go to my local bookshop and lose track of time like the good old days.




Lots of love 


MLP

Going to the cinemas

My need to escape increases more and more everyday...

I just want to escape and I don't want to think anymore...

In every spare moment of my time I'm listening to music or watching tv or asleep. When I'm watching a film, for that brief moment I escape.

For a few hours I'm not here. I don't feel sad, I don't feel lost and I'm not drowning.

Going to the cinema helps me escape, and maybe in time I will reach a point in life where I won't need to escape anymore.


Lots of love

MLP

Leaving parties

Today was another leaving do. Honestly its one card after another lately, only a month left and I'll be getting a leaving card.

Today it was the other interns turn to leave, she found a job and had to leave the internship a month early. So now she has a new job and is leaving, and I'm left with her workload until her replacement gets here...joy. At least we had a nice send off for her. We had a nice sit  down lunch in a restaurant near work.

It's the place I've always walked past for the last 2 months during my lunch breaks and not once have I noticed it. The food was nice, the people there were friendly and I would definitely go back there again...It's just surreal that there are so many places that I go past and miss out on a great night out or a nice bite to eat because we don't notice them.

Travels abroad

I want to run away, to go somewhere that no one knows me...

Maybe thats what I need to gather myself, to work out what I'm going to do with myself.

There are too many memories here and I feel like I'm going in circles and ending up where I started.

Australia has been calling me for a long time, it's a more realistic dream with a place to stay and there wouldn't be a language barrier but in Australia I would be staying with family and it wont really be getting away.

Another possibility is Spain, I've always had an interest in the spanish culture, the food and the language.I learnt what I could in secondary and got the highest in my class, with a pretty good understanding of spanish and if anything I would love being in Spain with the language barrier even more because it would be challenging and push me to learn.

These are all dreams, nothing is written down, nothing is planned just a thought.


Lots of love

MLP

Night out with work mates

There seems to be alot of people leaving the office, lately its like everyday were being secretly passed around leaving cards to sign. I must have signed 5 this week alone. So we booked a place at Foundations a nice underground bar in Covent gardens. I must admit I loved the quirky decor and the interesting choice of cocktail glasses with some in science conical flasks, jam jars and glass mugs. This bar was truly a hidden gem and I look forward to broadening my horizons and every once in a while going somewhere different.


Lots of love

MLP